Live, Laugh, Love--You have one life so enjoy it!
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HEADS UP!
Live, Laugh, Love--You have one life so enjoy it!
Live, Laugh, Love--You have one life so enjoy it!
Heads Up!
by Sue Stauffer
by Sue Stauffer
“Understanding the Innocent Behaviors of Others”
I have been a docent at the Autry Museum of Western Heritage for eleven years. I go every Friday and lead a tour of approximately ten children through the museum teaching them about life in the American West. They are enthusiastic and filled with energy and usually eager to hear and learn about how their ancestors lived and worked in the early 1800’s. It is a rewarding experience and I love doing it but sometimes for the new docents, they become frustrated by the children’s short attention spans and behaviors. They see the children as undisciplined instead of “innocent.” For all of us, It is always tempting to focus on other people’s behaviors—their comments, actions, and lack of attention and get frustrated. This causes us to become uncomfortable and annoyed, and in the case of the new docents, very perturbed.
It is very true that children as well as adults do weird things at times, who doesn’t, but we are the ones getting upset and reacting to them so we are the ones who have to change. I am not referring to accepting, ignoring, or advocating misbehavior or any other kind of deviant acting out. I am basically referring to learning to be less bothered by the actions of others including children.
Seeing the innocence that perhaps lies behind the behavior can be a powerful tool for transformation. When someone is acting in a way that we don’t like, the best strategy for dealing with that person is to distance oneself mentally from the behavior and try to “look beyond it” and see the where the behavior might be coming from. Very often, this slight shift in our thinking immediately puts us in a state of deeper understanding and tolerance.
Dealing with a group of children as a docent, you can’t let anyone get out of control but you can access why that particular child may be acting inappropriately. Does he need extra attention? Is he the class clown? Are you boring him with your discussion? Is he trying to show his classmates how smart he is? There can be any number of reasons behind the actions. Looking deeper than the immediate behavior and trying to gain insight and perception as to what is behind it, enables us to see the “innocence” of the actions. Underneath the most annoying behaviors is usually a frustrated person who is asking for compassion and understanding and doesn’t recognize his own needs due to his innocence.
The next time (and hopefully from now on), when someone, child or adult, acts in a strange way, look for the root of the behavior. If you are compassionate, it won’t be hard to figure out. When you discover what is really going on, you will no longer be so frustrated and annoyed by their actions. It is easier to change your reaction than trying to change the other’s behaviors.. It is far more rewarding to focus on the positive results that can occur when you gain a deeper understanding of other’s innocence, feelings, actions and frustrations and respond in a positive way. Remember, the only person you can change is you and your attitude. If you can accomplish this, everyone benefits.
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Heads Up!
By Sue Stauffer
“To Thy Own Self, Be True!”
By Sue Stauffer
“To Thy Own Self, Be True!”
I like to read the “quote for the day” at Curves each morning when I walk in the door to begin my exercise routine. These quotes are usually excellent tidbits of wisdom and I enjoy reading them to start the day. This one really hit me so I saved it and want to share it with everyone because it is so important: “You were born an original so don’t become a copy.” That is really a powerful message to each of us to be ourselves and to be happy with whom we are. Whenever I am feeling like I’m really getting old, I remember my struggles in high school with math or my difficult times teaching school, or my efforts to counsel acting out teenagers and my frustrations being the mother to two teenage daughters. Suddenly I appreciate where I am with my life. Being older is definitely more comfortable. (That’s why they made elastic waistbands.)
I remember when other people’s opinions were very important to me. I was concerned about what I wore, who my friends were, and what kind of car I drove. I tried to be a copy of someone else. I person I envied. When I finally decided that I was just fine as an individual, I started liking myself and I truly became happy. Of course, like everyone else, I would like to be thinner, smarter, more talented, and have a different hairstyle, but self-acceptance isn’t failing to seek improvement. It’s just empowering you to take appropriate action to achieve your goal. Some people are so busy trying to turn back their odometers that they forget to appreciate all the paths they have traveled during their lifetime on both good and bad roadways. It’s these life experiences that have contributed to the development of the person you have become. Isn’t it interesting that there are fewer things that seem worth waiting for the older we get? Everyday has an opportunity waiting for discovery. If you don’t learn to laugh at trouble, you won’t have anything to laugh about when you are old and start looking back at your life. Someone will always be prettier, smarter, richer, more successful but not necessarily happier. They will have a bigger house. They will drive a better car. Their children will be more successful and their husband will fix more things around the house. Let it all go and love yourself and your circumstances. Think about it. The prettiest woman in the world can have hell in her heart. That successful business executive may be unable to have children and the richest woman you know might be extremely lonely and bored. Being happy is a choice that we make every day. You only get one chance at life, don’t screw it up! Love YOU!
I remember when other people’s opinions were very important to me. I was concerned about what I wore, who my friends were, and what kind of car I drove. I tried to be a copy of someone else. I person I envied. When I finally decided that I was just fine as an individual, I started liking myself and I truly became happy. Of course, like everyone else, I would like to be thinner, smarter, more talented, and have a different hairstyle, but self-acceptance isn’t failing to seek improvement. It’s just empowering you to take appropriate action to achieve your goal. Some people are so busy trying to turn back their odometers that they forget to appreciate all the paths they have traveled during their lifetime on both good and bad roadways. It’s these life experiences that have contributed to the development of the person you have become. Isn’t it interesting that there are fewer things that seem worth waiting for the older we get? Everyday has an opportunity waiting for discovery. If you don’t learn to laugh at trouble, you won’t have anything to laugh about when you are old and start looking back at your life. Someone will always be prettier, smarter, richer, more successful but not necessarily happier. They will have a bigger house. They will drive a better car. Their children will be more successful and their husband will fix more things around the house. Let it all go and love yourself and your circumstances. Think about it. The prettiest woman in the world can have hell in her heart. That successful business executive may be unable to have children and the richest woman you know might be extremely lonely and bored. Being happy is a choice that we make every day. You only get one chance at life, don’t screw it up! Love YOU!
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“We Are Our Stories!”
By Sue Stauffer
Recently I decided to write down some of my memories of childhood,
growing up, and other very important milestones that comprise my life so
far. I guess as I get older, I want to remember the things that were
significant in my life before I develop dementia and all my memories are
muddled or gone. I have a couple of friends who have lost most of
the memories of their past, They have described this situation as
having someone following behind them with a huge paint roller, painting out
everything they see, everywhere they have been, all their friend’s
faces…everything in their life out so that they have only blanks in their
memory bank. This is the situation with Alzheimer’s disease which seems
to be affecting more and more people I know at an earlier and earlier
age.
Our need for stories is so very basic because it is such a handy way to carry
our experiences around. Who are we without our stories? Writing is the way I ground myself and keep my sanity. It is the way I try to make sense of my life, try to enjoy new experiences and keep my mind active and busy. Writing about restaurants, food and chefs, is focusing on the things that I enjoy-food, wine and cooking. I need to keep busy now that I am retired and writing has filled the void for me of not working a regular job each day. I am creative and this also gives me the opportunity to use my creative abilities in a useful and enjoyable pursuit.
Now, writing my memoirs, I am finding that I am starting at the beginning of my memories and hopefully ending where I am now. Writing a memoir is a way to figure out who you used to be and how you got to be who you are now. As you start your journey, you figure out what is significant and what you can leave out from your story. You also find that it is not a straight shot because as you go along, different memories pop into your head so you are constantly revising your work. I am also discovering that real life doesn’t arrange itself into convenient chapters like a traditional book. Different things, smells, signs, colors, music, anything can trigger a memory. For example, the smell of Noxzema reminded me of the trauma of pimples and my desperate attempt to clear up my complexion before the Prom. This ended in failure and I ended up with a large zit on my chin as the headlight for my entire face. It was a terrible experience at the time but now it is just an unpleasant adolescent memory.
Some of my favorite stories are the experiences I have shared with my grandchildren which they seem to thoroughly enjoy. They love hearing about my days growing up in Clarkston, Washington, my horses, herding cattle, and helping on the ranch. It is the kind of life that they will never experience so they listen with fascination and always have many questions. They can’t relate to veterinarian problems, raising bummer lambs on bottles, cooking for harvest crews, or canning fruits and vegetables from a garden. They are Southern California kids so that world isn’t in their frame of reference. They also love hearing about teaching school in Virginia before desegregation and having to go to school in a police car for safety because of the race riots. They listen to my life in Hawaii with envy but have no understanding of the cost of the Vietnam War on their own mother's lives. They can somewhat relate to my work as a drug counselor here in California since drug use and abuse is definitely part of their current experiences as high school students now.
I am not plagued by who will read my memoirs but find that prospect interesting. I am basically writing this for myself and to allow my grandchildren the opportunity to know me better. I have realized that I am full of contradictions and that I have evolved today out of many different selves. I have been appreciated and humiliated. I have been right and certainly, I have been very wrong. I have been both selfish and selfless. I have been self confident and insecure. I have been both kind and cruel. I have been humble and arrogant. I have been so many different selves. Writing my memoirs is a very therapeutic way of exploring my personal journey through life. Interesting to others? Maybe, but that is not the purpose for writing these memories. I am undertaking this project to remind myself that I have had a wonderful life with some incredible experiences and that I have shared my days with some amazing, talented and loving companions, family and friends. It is definitely a chance to count my blessings both past and present and I am most grateful for this opportunity to remember, appreciate and share several moments of this fascinating adventure called living one's life.
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